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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Finally getting my voice heard

I was in the shower one day Shaving my Underarms ( hey, we all have em right?) and I felt another lump.

I just assumed it would be another plugged milk duct, cause those do stretch to who knows where when your breasts are full.

2 days later I went to the DR. showed it to him, and he said " Maybe its something that needs to be drained?" possibly was. So I  FINALLY  get an ultrasound of the breast and lumps.  And a ref feral to Breast Health at the Hospital.

I got a call a few days later from Breast health saying that they didn't know what they could even do because I was nursing, I surely could not get a Mammogram, or a biopsy, so did I want to move my appointment to later in the year ( ARE YOU KIDDING ME?) I am finally getting heard and you want to move me because im nursing and you cant biopsy? Whatever. This WAS breast health was it not?

I begged them to let me the DR right away  anyway, that way he can just look at it to see what his thoughts were, no harm in that , and I really wanted to get the results from my Ultrasound back.

The very next day I was off to Vegas for Passion Parties Convention. My first BIG trip anywhere. I had so much fun, I had great hear, i was sexy and skinny, and i was still pumping breast milk so i could continue nursing my baby when i got home.

Each night ( or early morning............ HEY it WAS Vegas  SHSUSTSA!!!!!)  I would lay in bed and feel each of those lumps, were they really real? or where they a figment of my imagination, I was checking to see of any of them had shrunk because i was nursing less,  And Quite possibly feeling so I could FEEL them. I think right then I knew..........I knew deep down to that place most people do not  get to. that really deep down in the pit of all knowing........... that those lumps were up to no good.

But Guess what? I was in Vegas.. its a rule, have fun in Vegas or go home...... its that simple.

The day after coming home from Vegas I had my appointment with Breast Health to finally see a Surgeon. He went over my Ultrasound. Inconclusive, they could not see what it was, which means more testing, and a biopsy for sure.
He finally took a look at it. He felt it. It was in fact sitting in the top of my breast close to the chest wall, right where your cleavage sits Vise able to the naked eye.I saw him when he SAW it. I should of known then ( but that deep down denial just kept kicking in im 32 for crying out loud) The minute he saw it he says " BIOPSY RIGHT NOW" WTF i was just going for him to LOOK at it. what do you mean you are poking me with a needle and taking chunks of me out? It takes me days to work up to even getting a blood test and you are going to throw me on a table and slice at me?? OUCH..........I wanted to barf. I should have known that is really no good, but that DENIAL was at the very bottom of that pit with a big fat HOPE sitting on tip of it.

At the 12th hour of my demise ( pretty sure my life would have ended right there  with that Biopsy, have you SEEN those needles **SHIVER***LOL)  from the biopsy needle, getting ready to pierce my skin, something jumped up in my Doctors head. (Not sure what it was but I want to send that thought a thank you card with a bottle of wine attached). "MAMMOGRAM"

He did not  care that I was nursing, he needed that test done before he poked me............PHEW saved........and really I wanted that Mammogram ( I mean who doesn't want to have their breasts put in an ice cold vice and squished to just above paper thin? Some people are into that pain means pleasure thing right?)
but it all had to be done ASAP. 8 AM the next morning I was in for both GULP, ok, I can work with this.............. but im going for a glass of wine when I get home.

The next day was bright and early off to the Radiation place. first stop MAMMOGRAM 
aaaaaaaaaaaall aboooaaaaaard!

The mammogram tech i think knew when she looked at that vise able  lump that it was no good.
they didn't squish me too bad, especially on the lumpy side

Right about now i as thinking I should have named that lump.... I mean what do you name a thing that is growing so fast inside you and you can see it.
Chester? Velma? lord Voldemort? I really should have put more thought into that,

I had to wait for the tech to take my pictures to the DR there to look at them so i could take them to my appointment with me. it took a l;ong time for her to come back, was not  sure if that was good news or not?
I get to the Breast Health Clinic and see my Doctor, he saw the pictures and did not say anything to me, and got me prepped for the Biopsy. Really the biopsy was not so bad. they froze me well, so not much feeling, just freaky seeing something as big and an ICE AUGER getting jammed into my chest and pulling out pieces of spaghetti ....... wait, it was not an ice auger you say? you sure?.....well that is what it seemed like to me

He told me that it would take a few weeks to get the results back and we set up an appointment for then.

The next 2 weeks went by fast, I did a few trade shows, parties with friends, And not giving any thought that parts of my body were sitting in a lab getting dissected and tested.
The area that had the biopsy started to bruise up, there was no milk leaking out of it like i was told might, i considered this a good thing because I didn't have to worry about springing a leak and getting it in my eye or some random stranger at the mall when I was nursing my baby .

The mind works in mysterious ways. that deep down denial, was being not only sat on by HOPE But was locked down with big old mean " It cant happen to me but my world was about to flip right over.

“It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.”

Bill Watterson

Monday, November 29, 2010

Where to start.......

Well, maybe from the beginning, I guess that is a very good place to start........we will begin by singing DO RE ME............. uh oh wait, never mind........This is supposed to be  serious stuff LOL

Well no one ever wakes up one day and says " cancer sounds like fun" or "Lets go catch some Cancer today" In fact, most people never think it will happen to them. especially when you are a 32 year old mother of 3 with a rocking Home based business, on the top of her game, (looking smoking MILF  hot too I may add)
Life was great, your 30's is when the fun starts right? Well technically the fun DID start. Yup April 17th at approximately 11:00 AM my life changed forever.  Those words " Your results came back, you have cancer" still ring in my head, At that moment the only thing I could think of was " This is impossible, Im leaving for Vegas in a month for a work retreat, I dont have time for this"

Unfortunately Cancer did not care that day.

Or the next day

Or any other day for that fact.

That was it. that lump I have been feeling for the previous 18 months was not in fact a plugged milk duct from nursing that all the medical people i saw told me it most likely was. It was trying to kill me. My own body was turning on itself. Are you kidding me? No in fact... this was getting serious.

I noticed my lump about a week before I gave birth to our third child ... we lovingly refer to her as our Birth control baby, LOL . I assumed the Lump was just lumpy breast tissue from being pregnant.
The day after she was born I got Mastitis right there. While I was still in the hospital. The day after her birth. This is very unusual, but no one really thought much of it, and who was I to argue that point, they were Medical Professionals, Who was I to argue with that?

We had issues Breastfeeding on that breast, and after being seen by countless Lactation Consultants and talking to various people, no one knew exactly WHY she did not want to nurse on that side at all. She was a Jaundiced baby and was just lazy, maybe she hated nursing on that side?
 Eventually everything evened out and she started nursing like a trooper, but never as much on that one side.

You know when you hear stories about dogs sniffing out cancer I cant help but think about my baby, the cancer sniffer, could feel my cancer before anyone else, she was so in-tuned to me that she KNEW something was not right, Not right at all, but who really takes advice from a baby? Especially Medical advice.

The lump started to grow. Oh I mentioned it at every Dr. Appointment. I mentioned it at every well baby check up, I mentioned it every time i saw anyone.
You know what answer I got?
"HMMMM I have never seen anything like that, maybe its just an infected milk duct, sometimes they stay lumpy till your done nursing"
Who was I to think otherwise. WHO in their right mind even has Breast Cancer cross their mind when they are 32 let alone nursing a new born baby.

I really should have, See Breast Cancer is not new to me. My own mother in fact passed away from Breast Cancer in 2002 after a 10 year battle with the beast known as Breast Cancer. She was Diagnosed at a young age as well 34. found out the day I graduated High school that my mother had Breast Cancer.
In fact both of her sisters have had a battle with the disease as well.

I may have been in a sort of denial, but also lulled into a sense of false hope by the medical community?

Soon after my my moms sister had genetic testing done for the BRCA1 gene mutation and it came out that she had the gene mutation I decided to undergo the testing as well.
It was a simple blood test that would  change how I dealt with my cancer diagnosis.

And you guessed it. I am BRCA1+

This means I have a gene mutation that makes me at a more increased risk for Breast and Ovarian Cancer. I will get into that in another post.

and this begins my journey into the world of Breast cancer.

I hope you stick around and her the rest of my story, I have plenty to share

I will leave you with this quote

Nobody trips over mouintains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed over the mouintain

I have crossed over that mouintain.

Welcome to my blog

Welcome to my blog.  I am new to this to bear with me,
My name is Sandra Fuentes and I am a Breast Cancer survivor. I will be using this blog to talk about my journey to help women who are going through similar situations.  I get asked all of the time to share my story and i am finally making the leap and putting it online. My goal is to write a book about my experience eventually.
I really wish i had made this when I was going through treatment, but really now is as good a time as any.
I will be sharing pictures and random thought through out. I hope you all are inspired and I am able to share something with you that will help.